emsk

I made the mistake of trying to contact the IRD today. Because I was attempting to find out if a thing I thought I owed them money for was, indeed, a thing I owed them money for, or if I was actually allowed to keep the money. The IRD website didn’t reveal what I wanted to know. Primarily due to me not knowing what to look for. So, I figured, hey! I’ll telephone them!

I dialled the 0800 number on my lunch break. A helpful male voice replies, and tells me that it’s terribly sorry but it does not accept 0800 calls from mobile telephones – if I want, I can dial a number that will cost me monies, or perhaps I could visit the website instead! Goodbye. *click*

I dial the number. A helpful male voice replies, and tells me that it’s terribly sorry but the lines are overloaded; perhaps I could visit the website instead! Goodbye. *click*

I dial the number. A helpful male voice replies, and tells me that it’s terribly sorry but the lines are overloaded; perhaps I could visit the website instead! Goodbye. *click*

I dial the number. A helpful male voice replies, and tells me that it’s terribly sorry but the lines are overloaded; perhaps I could visit the website instead! Goodbye. *click*

I dial the number. A helpful male voice replies, and tells me that it’s terribly sorry but the lines are overloaded; perhaps I could visit the website instead! Goodbye. *click*

I redial the number a total of NINETEEN TIMES. Eventually the phone is picked up (by the same automagic male voice) and I am walked through one of those godawful phone trees where you have to use voice-response for everything.

I apparently mis-navigate the system, because the helpful male voice replies, and tells me that that information is available on the website! Goodbye. *click*

I swear. Quite a lot.

I dial the number. A helpful male voice replies, and tells me that it’s terribly sorry but the lines are overloaded; perhaps I could visit the website instead! Goodbye. *click*

I bang my head on the desk.

I dial the number. A helpful male voice replies, and tells me that it’s terribly sorry but the lines are overloaded; perhaps I could visit the website instead! Goodbye. *click*

I do this a total of four times, before eventually getting through to the damnblasted voice activated phone tree.

It turns out it is much easier to navigate phone trees when you are so angry that you are snarling at the telephone.

After a number of grumpily snapped responses, I finally got the phone tree to agree to forward me to a human being. At which I discover that I am in a 45-minute queue. If I want, I can hold, which I am sure my phone bill would appreciate – or the IRD will call me back! But only on a land-line number, not on my cellphone; perhaps I could visit the website instead!

I swear vitriolically at the system and hang up the phone. Then I bang my head on the desk.

It only took twenty four phone calls, all of which I had to pay for, and a significant chunk of my sanity.

I returned to the website, gave up; searched the wilds of the general internet until I found a forum that answered my question, and armed with the correct tax terms, returned into the wilds of the website to extract my answer.

After all that, I don’t owe the bloody tax department money.