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Entry tags:
- depression,
- family,
- home,
- love
Matchings and maybe someday hatchings
It's been a weird week. Tobermory's parents got to the airport and then home to the UK safely, which is good. He and I have been wandering around vaguely putting the house to rights. I have about a billion loads of laundry to do, so of course it's been pissing down with rain.
Both of the in-laws cried as they left. I'm glad they've enjoyed their stay, and... well, I feel guilty on occasion that I'm the reason Tobermory is over here, thousands of miles away from his family and his old friends. Seeing how upset they all were at the airport... I love Tobermory. And he's happy here, more or less, but I know he hasn't really had the chance to make friends that weren't originally mine, and finding work up until he became resident was an absolute bitch. He and I are happy together, but I do sometimes wonder, with that little hateful voice from the hindbrain, if ... friends, family, all the life he had there - might not be too high a price to pay for us. He'll miss his family. Probably his father, moreso than his mother; despite, or perhaps because, they don't always get on terribly well.
It's not just his parents, I'm feeling a bit weird generally.
About a hundred women at work are pregnant, I swear I can't walk through the building without seeing yet another belly walk round corners before the body carrying it. I have, in the last year or two, discovered that I have a biological clock. And it's frankly extremely disconcerting to have your ovaries grab your brain by the stem and shake it violently going "OI, YOU. REPRODUCE, PLEASE." While I do (eventually?) want kids with Tobermory, I am sufficiently old-fashioned enough to want to share a surname first.
When I returned to work from my "meeting the inlaws" holiday, I discovered that my female colleague had finally talked her boyfriend into proposing; they're getting married in April, while they're on the trip to India so he can meet her parents. And another friend has also announced her engagement. I am sufficiently childish to carry a strain of "Wah, I got engaged first!! why are you getting married first???" (Not that I'm not pleased for them, I am! But the hindbrain is stupid and childish at times, as well as hateful.)
The whole topic of weddings is such a minefield that I am highly tempted to elope* simply to escape drama. I know, as a fact, that Tobermory's dad and my Mum in the same room would be cause for large scale drama, and ... I just don't want to go there. It's not purely a selfish desire to escape, either, I don't want to expose my mother to that if I can avoid it. And, well, Mum's been dropping hints that she wouldn't mind me eloping for as long as Tobermory and I have been living together, so I doubt she'd mind overmuch.
The answer seems to be a registrar's office, then a party in each country**, but, well, I'm girly enough to kind of want the pretty dress and some nice photos for memorabilia purposes.
Whatever we do, the 'typical' shindig is right out. Amongst other things, my extended family would refuse to attend my wedding; in my own country, within travelling distance of all of them, and I'd rather not be reminded of that fact. And, frankly, I don't have a terribly large number of friends, and it just seems stupid to put on a show for all of two dozen people. I suspect that my family would attend a celebration of some sort if we were already married, and celebrating that fact. The distinction is small, but it's there. I miss my family. I'd like them to meet Tobes, I suspect he'd like my maternal uncle in particular.
Any time I think it over, I run up against eloping as the fairest option, not to mention the cheapest and easiest. I have yet to convince Tobermory of this. Yes, people on both sides of the family and in both countries will piss and moan, or be upset they missed out - and I genuinely like Tobermory's mum, and don't want to hurt her - but eloping leaves everyone modestly unhappy, Tobermory and I as happy as possible under the circumstances, and nobody actively offended.
And hey, any excuse for a party, right?
* I suspect I may have inadvertently communicated this desire to Tobermory's mum - she is far too lovely and easy to talk to - and one of her parting instructions at the airport was that I'm allowed to be as sneaky and low-key about getting hitched as I like, but don't DARE to get married without inviting her.
** This would also have the advantage of Tobermory's mum being able to have an Event, which I suspect she would appreciate.
Both of the in-laws cried as they left. I'm glad they've enjoyed their stay, and... well, I feel guilty on occasion that I'm the reason Tobermory is over here, thousands of miles away from his family and his old friends. Seeing how upset they all were at the airport... I love Tobermory. And he's happy here, more or less, but I know he hasn't really had the chance to make friends that weren't originally mine, and finding work up until he became resident was an absolute bitch. He and I are happy together, but I do sometimes wonder, with that little hateful voice from the hindbrain, if ... friends, family, all the life he had there - might not be too high a price to pay for us. He'll miss his family. Probably his father, moreso than his mother; despite, or perhaps because, they don't always get on terribly well.
It's not just his parents, I'm feeling a bit weird generally.
About a hundred women at work are pregnant, I swear I can't walk through the building without seeing yet another belly walk round corners before the body carrying it. I have, in the last year or two, discovered that I have a biological clock. And it's frankly extremely disconcerting to have your ovaries grab your brain by the stem and shake it violently going "OI, YOU. REPRODUCE, PLEASE." While I do (eventually?) want kids with Tobermory, I am sufficiently old-fashioned enough to want to share a surname first.
When I returned to work from my "meeting the inlaws" holiday, I discovered that my female colleague had finally talked her boyfriend into proposing; they're getting married in April, while they're on the trip to India so he can meet her parents. And another friend has also announced her engagement. I am sufficiently childish to carry a strain of "Wah, I got engaged first!! why are you getting married first???" (Not that I'm not pleased for them, I am! But the hindbrain is stupid and childish at times, as well as hateful.)
The whole topic of weddings is such a minefield that I am highly tempted to elope* simply to escape drama. I know, as a fact, that Tobermory's dad and my Mum in the same room would be cause for large scale drama, and ... I just don't want to go there. It's not purely a selfish desire to escape, either, I don't want to expose my mother to that if I can avoid it. And, well, Mum's been dropping hints that she wouldn't mind me eloping for as long as Tobermory and I have been living together, so I doubt she'd mind overmuch.
The answer seems to be a registrar's office, then a party in each country**, but, well, I'm girly enough to kind of want the pretty dress and some nice photos for memorabilia purposes.
Whatever we do, the 'typical' shindig is right out. Amongst other things, my extended family would refuse to attend my wedding; in my own country, within travelling distance of all of them, and I'd rather not be reminded of that fact. And, frankly, I don't have a terribly large number of friends, and it just seems stupid to put on a show for all of two dozen people. I suspect that my family would attend a celebration of some sort if we were already married, and celebrating that fact. The distinction is small, but it's there. I miss my family. I'd like them to meet Tobes, I suspect he'd like my maternal uncle in particular.
Any time I think it over, I run up against eloping as the fairest option, not to mention the cheapest and easiest. I have yet to convince Tobermory of this. Yes, people on both sides of the family and in both countries will piss and moan, or be upset they missed out - and I genuinely like Tobermory's mum, and don't want to hurt her - but eloping leaves everyone modestly unhappy, Tobermory and I as happy as possible under the circumstances, and nobody actively offended.
And hey, any excuse for a party, right?
* I suspect I may have inadvertently communicated this desire to Tobermory's mum - she is far too lovely and easy to talk to - and one of her parting instructions at the airport was that I'm allowed to be as sneaky and low-key about getting hitched as I like, but don't DARE to get married without inviting her.
** This would also have the advantage of Tobermory's mum being able to have an Event, which I suspect she would appreciate.
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